I've been told that time heals, but all time has done is let my heart ache even more. You can't put a time on how long grief lasts, but I always thought that now, nearly a year later, I would feel somewhat ok. I just... I want my best friend back. Some days it's easier, and I can just appreciate the days he was alive, or at least believe that he still is... but most days it just hurts. Emotional pain is the worst, every day it feels like I'm getting stabbed over and over again with guilt and sadness and longing. Ever since I lost him, I've been thinking and saying that it should have been me, and even now I still think that. He was the better person. He was the one who impacted so many people he met, and the person who saved me back then. There were so many times that one phone call or text from him at the right time was all that kept me living. Even now when I think I should just give up.. he's one of the people that comes to my mind and keeps me steady. I could never repay him. I wish I could have been better at expressing myself, I worry so much now. I just hope he knew how much I loved him. Ah... I didn't mean to write a sob fest. It's just now that March and the one year anniversary is approaching, I feel even worse.....