I hope they've called you back since you made this post?
I feel like I relate to a lot of the things she is talking about and it honestly scares me. The self-harm to the unstable idea of self, the paranoia, the fear, I mean a lot of people think I have Bipolar Disorder and I guess its common to confuse the two...and I do have these rapid mood switches in one day in hours actually...I don't...
I mean I self-harm, something can freak me out and I can get overwhelmed and my first instinct is to hurt myself in some form.
I can run and cut people off quickly if I'm scared or terrified, I have this overwhelming paranoia that my friends hate me or loathe me or are talking about me. I can be so overly loving and then just disappear. I can fight with others who I care about after being totally fine for a bit it's like self-sabotage.
My image and identity I know the core of it but then the second someone says something about my personality it just completely throws me off and I lose sight of me really easily and quickly. Someone calls me something negative and I can sit there for days and think about it and punish myself and worry about it and terrified of people thinking of me like that and after a couple of days or hours I may be fine but then if I do something part of me is like that was not me that seems like the person this person described and then I have this identity crisis all over again.
And I mean even with the self-harm I think I have mentioned casually that I relapsed with my self-harm and not too often but it has happened and I realize later how gross it is that I fucking did that?! It's like this weird shift...like I can fucking say this grotesque thing and then in the next second realize I said it and want to punch myself for fucking saying it.
I am so terrified and sad and freaked and why won't the damn psychiatrist call me back!?!?!
Depression makes us both feel isolated, and seem to isolate ourselves because it's hard to do anything at all :cI lost one of my friends a few weeks ago, I have been going through a pretty bad depressive episode and didn't talk to her for a day because I was literally sleeping all day. So she got pissed because I didn't tell her I wasn't taking an optional final and invited me out in the morning. I declined because I couldn't bring myself to leave the house. So around 5 pm I asked if she wanted to get dinner and I wasn't ignoring her, I was sleeping for a while. She didn't respond for like a day and I know she saw my text because she was active on facebook. So I called her out on it and now she's pissed at me. I told her I was done with the bs and she is very angry at me. Idk, I'm starting to think I'm better off having no friends because my depression ruins everything anyway
You don't just come up to a person that didn't out themselves to you and ask them if they're still gay. You have no idea what emotional rollercoaster I went through in that 30 seconds trying to come up with a reasonable response and I tried damn hard to just not start crying. I mean I guess it's good to know now that you seem chill and accepting of it but like, there could've been better ways to ask me about it
Ever since this year started I’ve started feeling more depressed and anxious than usual. I’ve had crying episodes almost every single day this past week. All my mom tells me is that I either have nothing to be upset over or that I’m going to stress myself out even more. I almost don’t want to even bother talking to her about how I feel because it gets me nowhere and it feels like she doesn’t want to even deal with it.
I’ve been feeling even more anxious lately because I keep worrying about school and my future. I’m worried that I won’t get the dream job I’ve always wanted. I’m worried the my anxiety will prevent me from having it. Even my mom suggested that I should study something else. There is almost nothing else I want. I don’t have any passions and I don’t want to waste my time studying something I hate. I’m also worried about what will happen with my anxiety and panic attacks. I’m worried that I’ll start having them daily again. When that happens it sets me back and throws all the progress I’ve made with it away.
My depression is mostly caused by the anxiety. It’s taken so much away from me. I never got to go to school football games, prom, my high school graduation, never dated anyone, didn’t have friends, was never able to work, none of it. I’ve never gotten to experience the things a person my age should’ve experienced. It even breaks my heart just thinking about it. I know that I’m only 22, but I’m not getting any younger. I feel like I’m wasting away everyday by doing almost nothing. I leave the house once a day for 20-30 minutes and that’s it. Then I sit at home and do nothing. I can’t just get up and easily leave my house like most people. I get panic attacks in public places and when I drive a certain distance away from home. I feel like a total loser. There’s so much I should’ve, and could’ve, done by now. But it never happened. I hate this so much. I was hoping this year would be better, but I’ve also said it every year. I’m not gonna bother hoping it’ll be better because it probably won’t happen.
Sorry for such a long post. I just needed to get it off my chest.
Lex youre not a loser at all. The fact that after all this time youve never let go of your passions and youve kept working on your anxiety and you havent given up is something Ive always admired you for. We all have things we could have done and things we should have done but whatever the circumstances, we were unable to do them and thats okay, we cant change the past so all we can really look to is the future. No matter what it seems like you've done things you previously thought you couldn't and wouldn't be able to do, dont forget those moments and give up just because it feels like youre not at the place you want to be. As butter always says baby steps are important
I hope that you manage to get through this, no matter how long it takes, and you eventually get to do what you want in life. Never give up, youre too strong and capable for that. I love you Lexusuwu
Koala don't forget you're an amazing person as wellJust wanted you all to know that you’re wonderful people even from reading these things from you. You truly hold infinite amount of beautiful inside you and your mind only makes it hard to see it,but it’s there gazed at from others. Stay strong little loves <3