Welcome to the friendliest KPOP forum around!
Wanting to join the rest of our awesome community? Feel free to sign up today. We won't bite. Did we mention we are troll-free too?
Sign Up Now

✯ ✵ Mental Health Support✯ ✵ (1 Viewer)

Joined
28 August 2018
Messages
734
Reaction score
3,660
Points
8,964
Location
Tao's Gucci Suite in Shanghai
Gender
Female
Shipped With
I've tried these past week or so...I've really tried. Everything is too much for me to handle anymore. I've talked with people, I've tried to find peace. I'm just so tired and worn out.
 
  • Like
Reactions: kodoku and igloo

kodoku

Nugu
Joined
24 February 2019
Messages
732
Reaction score
3,594
Points
4,144
Gender
Female
Shipped With
I've tried these past week or so...I've really tried. Everything is too much for me to handle anymore. I've talked with people, I've tried to find peace. I'm just so tired and worn out.
I am sorry :( I know it's so hard, so give yourself as much time as you need to. You don't have to try too hard, sometimes all you can do is just survive and that's okay. I'm here for you, you will get through this <3
 

LeeriaYa

✯☾🌸Koala Of Spring’s Moon🌸☽✯
Staff Member
.
Joined
4 November 2018
Messages
994
Reaction score
6,478
Points
20,474
Location
Lunar,CaratLand
Gender
Female
Shipped With
Trying to cut away from people because I feel no matter how many times I told you what happened to me and that I’ll become stronger. I just still truly want to die. :/ I hate April. Even though my abuser is gone. I feel like he’s still going to come into my room and take me again...
I don’t know what’s the purpose of living if I can’t ever escape what he did to me for years.
I’m terrified of people. I’ll be alone
 
  • Like
Reactions: kodoku and igloo

kodoku

Nugu
Joined
24 February 2019
Messages
732
Reaction score
3,594
Points
4,144
Gender
Female
Shipped With
Trying to cut away from people because I feel no matter how many times I told you what happened to me and that I’ll become stronger. I just still truly want to die. :/ I hate April. Even though my abuser is gone. I feel like he’s still going to come into my room and take me again...
I don’t know what’s the purpose of living if I can’t ever escape what he did to me for years.
I’m terrified of people. I’ll be alone
oh no I'm so sorry, that sound so awful TT I hope this person who hurt you payed for their actions.. I'm here if you want to talk... <3
 
  • Like
Reactions: igloo

Hajima

Trainee
Joined
13 March 2019
Messages
262
Reaction score
1,123
Points
454
today i got an anxiety attack and it's still going on .... i just feel tired living alone... i feel like most of my problems comes from the way i look... i wish i looked at least average looking... no one wants to be around someone who is extremely ugly.. i get treated like trash all the time because of the way i look... :pepecry2:
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chahee and kodoku

kodoku

Nugu
Joined
24 February 2019
Messages
732
Reaction score
3,594
Points
4,144
Gender
Female
Shipped With
today i got an anxiety attack and it's still going on .... i just feel tired living alone... i feel like most of my problems comes from the way i look... i wish i looked at least average looking... no one wants to be around someone who is extremely ugly.. i get treated like trash all the time because of the way i look... :pepecry2:
*hugs* I am very sorry to hear all that hun :( I hope you can go somewhere you feel safe and take a break and get some rest, do something you enjoy and regain some energy... as for your looks, I relate.. just yesterday I complained about the same thing somehwere on the forums.. it's unfair and frustrating, always feels so rough.. what you can do is make sure you are always clean and tidy, take care of your looks as well as your mental and physical health, dress nice, put on a bit of perfume and make up if you'd like, eat well, drink enough water, take in sunlight, be active, surround yourself with better people when you can because you don't need trashy shallow jerks like that right? they are not worthy of you and you don't need fake poeple and relatiosnhips in your life.. the right people will come along sooner or later and see your beauty. You can talk to me anytime, hope u feel better soon <3<3
 
  • Like
Reactions: igloo

Hajima

Trainee
Joined
13 March 2019
Messages
262
Reaction score
1,123
Points
454
*hugs* I am very sorry to hear all that hun :( I hope you can go somewhere you feel safe and take a break and get some rest, do something you enjoy and regain some energy... as for your looks, I relate.. just yesterday I complained about the same thing somehwere on the forums.. it's unfair and frustrating, always feels so rough.. what you can do is make sure you are always clean and tidy, take care of your looks as well as your mental and physical health, dress nice, put on a bit of perfume and make up if you'd like, eat well, drink enough water, take in sunlight, be active, surround yourself with better people when you can because you don't need trashy shallow jerks like that right? they are not worthy of you and you don't need fake poeple and relatiosnhips in your life.. the right people will come along sooner or later and see your beauty. You can talk to me anytime, hope u feel better soon <3<3
thank you :sanapray: i just wanted this out of my chest as i am sure many people go through the same thing

i just wish people would stop judging others by their physical appearance
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chahee and kodoku

kodoku

Nugu
Joined
24 February 2019
Messages
732
Reaction score
3,594
Points
4,144
Gender
Female
Shipped With
@kddicted

but little sis, I still don't think you need to change. You don't need to be "normal" or like others. There's nothing wrong with who you are, I just don't see that though I understand the awful feeling of others making you believe that. I understand that it's really difficult... Maybe rather than changing, you could try working on accpeting your uniqueness. I think that's healthier and even easier than changing. I think you're such a beautiful soul, I've said this to you countless times and always will, until you believe it <3
 
Joined
28 August 2018
Messages
734
Reaction score
3,660
Points
8,964
Location
Tao's Gucci Suite in Shanghai
Gender
Female
Shipped With
Sunday, my birthday, was probably the only all around nice day I've had in a while. It was really really nice. Going back to school though and everything is back to how it was. I was able to take a break from KPS for some time to breathe, and I was able to take a break from all social media but I just want to do that with school and irl life. One day doesn't feel like enough. When I had bad anxiety at school before, I was always able to at least text Tyler and talk everything through with him...you know before all this happened I would say I had no close friends but damn I guess I really did..ugh
 
  • Like
Reactions: kodoku and igloo

kodoku

Nugu
Joined
24 February 2019
Messages
732
Reaction score
3,594
Points
4,144
Gender
Female
Shipped With
Sunday, my birthday, was probably the only all around nice day I've had in a while. It was really really nice. Going back to school though and everything is back to how it was. I was able to take a break from KPS for some time to breathe, and I was able to take a break from all social media but I just want to do that with school and irl life. One day doesn't feel like enough. When I had bad anxiety at school before, I was always able to at least text Tyler and talk everything through with him...you know before all this happened I would say I had no close friends but damn I guess I really did..ugh
I'm so glad you had a lovely bday, I was happy when you told me that. I know you probably don't wanna here these cheesy words from some random girl online who knows nothing, but time really does help and your happiness will someday begin to slowly return to you. For now, please just keep holding on <3
 
Joined
28 August 2018
Messages
734
Reaction score
3,660
Points
8,964
Location
Tao's Gucci Suite in Shanghai
Gender
Female
Shipped With
I'm so glad you had a lovely bday, I was happy when you told me that. I know you probably don't wanna here these cheesy words from some random girl online who knows nothing, but time really does help and your happiness will someday begin to slowly return to you. For now, please just keep holding on <3
Thank you so much...I don’t tell you that enough. You responding to me really does comfort me so much <3
 
  • Love
Reactions: kodoku

ripiasuju

Nugu
Joined
15 March 2019
Messages
902
Reaction score
3,510
Points
4,024
Location
~Streaming Jen~
Gender
Male
Shipped With
I wish I could make all my friends happy. It kills me to see they arent. I'd take all their misery for them I would take it all if I could

I just cant handle it I am so useless why cant I do more why..I'm a failure and a failure to my friends.i try my best but it's not enough I am just useless.

I will work my hardest and keep trying..even though I'm useless this useless person will not give up.

At least I hope I won't.
 
  • Like
Reactions: kodoku
Joined
12 April 2019
Messages
11
Reaction score
31
Points
99
Location
U.S
Gender
Female
I'm pretty open to talking about my issues, but I typically don't. However, it's gotten to a point that I don't think I can keep up moving through life where I'm simply existing anymore.

Summary:
I'm 23. My confidence is non-existent. I literally have zero friends and acquaintances (seriously. No lie.), I don't go out, my family--the only people I do have mainly because they can't get rid of me--doesn't care nor do they try, and I feel like I'm waiting for something that I know just won't happen, yet--for whatever reason--the hope is still there.

Following is more of a rant than anything else. I'm sorry for the monologue; it doesn't have to be read.

I was born with a skin condition called keloids. They're on my face, neck, and ear (and other areas, but these are the visible ones). They can be incredibly painful and are incurable. They make me look deformed, and in the world we live in, appearance is everything. Even people who are, in society's eyes, below average-looking are approached or looked at so long as they still look "normal." Since I don't look "normal", people literally stop and stare, give disgusted faces, keep their distance, try to flee the first chance they get (if they have to interact with me for some reason), etc., and I've experienced this since I was a baby.

I've been homeschooled most of my life (with side classes, like karate or art), but chose to go to college in order to try socializing again. By this point, my rambunctious and outgoing child-self had become incredibly quiet and shy. I literally just smiled and nodded 99% of the time and still do. I'm the type who is sensitive to other's needs, so since I know I make people uncomfortable, I make the job easy for them and don't try to interact, say hi, and I'm the one who flees first. I thought I had made some friends, a couple of girls who invited me to hang out with them quite a few times, but I happened to overhear them one day, saying something like they couldn't believe how much attention they get now that they hang out with such an ugly [insert b-word here]. I didn't have much trust in people to begin with (simply talking to me out of pity, but having no intention to get to know me, etc.), but this incident pretty much crushed every ounce of hope remaining that there are people who would look past my looks. I eventually left that college and transferred to another to study online (I'm graduating in a few weeks). To make things worse, on two different occasions, I video-chatted with two different internet friends, and they stopped talking to me right after.

My family are the type who think of themselves and are hypocrites. The things that I worry about, I'm ridiculed for, but when they worry about the same things, I'm ridiculed if I don't show sympathy (yes, my mom actually ridicules me if I don't show sympathy for my pretty sister when she's suffering from a tiny pimple on her cheek). This treatment extends to other people, too, where, in rare cases, I say something and am judged, but when other people say the same thing, they're flocked to or a discussion ensues.

So, not only my looks, but my feelings and thoughts are despised as well. I've tried to have friends on the internet, but of course, they have lives and eventually just leave with no interest in keeping in contact.

Now, I'm trying to have the keloids removed. One on my ear is done, and I'm having another surgery in a few weeks for my face, but I've been thinking lately: why in the world am I even bothering? People around my age aren't interested in making new friends; they want to focus on the relationships they have. I've also realized, back when I went to campus, that I've completely forgotten how to socialize. Literally. I can't start conversations, I become anxious because I don't know what's okay and not okay to talk about (I got scared after asking someone their favorite time of day and they burst into tears and never talked to me again), and my anxiety about being rejected or left stops me from putting more effort in.

However, depending on the topic, I can hold conversations, or even start new ones that branch off from the original topic. The other person just has to start the conversation first. I know. That isn't fair, but that's how it is, at least until I can learn how to talk again.

All I really want in life is someone I can call a friend--one that won't think I'm annoying or bothersome if I just want to say hi, and one I can contact at any point in time and expect more than one polite reply. I don't care if it's only on the internet or in real life (the latter not happening, I know). I won't ask for anything more. I really can't imagine having a long-term friend, but I'd like to try having one. I'm incredibly lonely, and all the built up pain is too much now. What am I hoping for by removing my keloids when internal and external forces are already at a point where there'll be little difference?

I'm sorry for the rant. I don't mean to waste anyone's time; I just needed a release. For anyone who did read it--whether or not you reply to it--thank you. You're very kind to take the time to read it. Even though I cry as I type all this, it is nice to have a temporary relief before my next episode.
 
  • Like
Reactions: kodoku and igloo

igloo

No Dezy No Life
.
Joined
30 August 2018
Messages
1,665
Reaction score
10,908
Points
38,374
Location
in the rain
Gender
Male
Shipped With
I'm pretty open to talking about my issues, but I typically don't. However, it's gotten to a point that I don't think I can keep up moving through life where I'm simply existing anymore.

Summary:
I'm 23. My confidence is non-existent. I literally have zero friends and acquaintances (seriously. No lie.), I don't go out, my family--the only people I do have mainly because they can't get rid of me--doesn't care nor do they try, and I feel like I'm waiting for something that I know just won't happen, yet--for whatever reason--the hope is still there.

Following is more of a rant than anything else. I'm sorry for the monologue; it doesn't have to be read.

I was born with a skin condition called keloids. They're on my face, neck, and ear (and other areas, but these are the visible ones). They can be incredibly painful and are incurable. They make me look deformed, and in the world we live in, appearance is everything. Even people who are, in society's eyes, below average-looking are approached or looked at so long as they still look "normal." Since I don't look "normal", people literally stop and stare, give disgusted faces, keep their distance, try to flee the first chance they get (if they have to interact with me for some reason), etc., and I've experienced this since I was a baby.

I've been homeschooled most of my life (with side classes, like karate or art), but chose to go to college in order to try socializing again. By this point, my rambunctious and outgoing child-self had become incredibly quiet and shy. I literally just smiled and nodded 99% of the time and still do. I'm the type who is sensitive to other's needs, so since I know I make people uncomfortable, I make the job easy for them and don't try to interact, say hi, and I'm the one who flees first. I thought I had made some friends, a couple of girls who invited me to hang out with them quite a few times, but I happened to overhear them one day, saying something like they couldn't believe how much attention they get now that they hang out with such an ugly [insert b-word here]. I didn't have much trust in people to begin with (simply talking to me out of pity, but having no intention to get to know me, etc.), but this incident pretty much crushed every ounce of hope remaining that there are people who would look past my looks. I eventually left that college and transferred to another to study online (I'm graduating in a few weeks). To make things worse, on two different occasions, I video-chatted with two different internet friends, and they stopped talking to me right after.

My family are the type who think of themselves and are hypocrites. The things that I worry about, I'm ridiculed for, but when they worry about the same things, I'm ridiculed if I don't show sympathy (yes, my mom actually ridicules me if I don't show sympathy for my pretty sister when she's suffering from a tiny pimple on her cheek). This treatment extends to other people, too, where, in rare cases, I say something and am judged, but when other people say the same thing, they're flocked to or a discussion ensues.

So, not only my looks, but my feelings and thoughts are despised as well. I've tried to have friends on the internet, but of course, they have lives and eventually just leave with no interest in keeping in contact.

Now, I'm trying to have the keloids removed. One on my ear is done, and I'm having another surgery in a few weeks for my face, but I've been thinking lately: why in the world am I even bothering? People around my age aren't interested in making new friends; they want to focus on the relationships they have. I've also realized, back when I went to campus, that I've completely forgotten how to socialize. Literally. I can't start conversations, I become anxious because I don't know what's okay and not okay to talk about (I got scared after asking someone their favorite time of day and they burst into tears and never talked to me again), and my anxiety about being rejected or left stops me from putting more effort in.

However, depending on the topic, I can hold conversations, or even start new ones that branch off from the original topic. The other person just has to start the conversation first. I know. That isn't fair, but that's how it is, at least until I can learn how to talk again.

All I really want in life is someone I can call a friend--one that won't think I'm annoying or bothersome if I just want to say hi, and one I can contact at any point in time and expect more than one polite reply. I don't care if it's only on the internet or in real life (the latter not happening, I know). I won't ask for anything more. I really can't imagine having a long-term friend, but I'd like to try having one. I'm incredibly lonely, and all the built up pain is too much now. What am I hoping for by removing my keloids when internal and external forces are already at a point where there'll be little difference?

I'm sorry for the rant. I don't mean to waste anyone's time; I just needed a release. For anyone who did read it--whether or not you reply to it--thank you. You're very kind to take the time to read it. Even though I cry as I type all this, it is nice to have a temporary relief before my next episode.
honestly, i think that removing them shouldn't be for anyone but yourself. if you want to remove them for yourself, cool, if not, cool, because the people who will treat you like inhuman or lesser because of something visual, especially a disease you really have had no power over, they don't deserve your time and effort. i hate that people are so discriminated against just because of looks and it makes me sick to hear that none of the people in your life have moved past that. i'm sorry that you've had to deal with so many deeply hypocritical, snide, superficial and uncaring people.
 
Joined
12 April 2019
Messages
11
Reaction score
31
Points
99
Location
U.S
Gender
Female
I wish I could make all my friends happy. It kills me to see they arent. I'd take all their misery for them I would take it all if I could

I just cant handle it I am so useless why cant I do more why..I'm a failure and a failure to my friends.i try my best but it's not enough I am just useless.

I will work my hardest and keep trying..even though I'm useless this useless person will not give up.

At least I hope I won't.
Even though you may disagree with me, you're not useless.

You don't know much it means to have someone who care about you, your situation, your thoughts, and your feelings, especially when times are tough. You're doing so much more than you think. Your friends know they're not handling things alone, because you're right there doing all you can to help in whatever way you can, and trust me, just knowing you're there ready to support is the one thing most people really want.

I know you hurt watching them in pain, but don't think you're doing nothing. You're doing more than you realize. :)
 
Joined
12 April 2019
Messages
11
Reaction score
31
Points
99
Location
U.S
Gender
Female
honestly, i think that removing them shouldn't be for anyone but yourself. if you want to remove them for yourself, cool, if not, cool, because the people who will treat you like inhuman or lesser because of something visual, especially a disease you really have had no power over, they don't deserve your time and effort. i hate that people are so discriminated against just because of looks and it makes me sick to hear that none of the people in your life have moved past that. i'm sorry that you've had to deal with so many deeply hypocritical, snide, superficial and uncaring people.
Thank you. Removing them is mostly for me, as the pain has become too much lately, but yes, in terms as for others, I'd say it's 50-50. I can't talk to my family (we have disagreeable opinions on almost everything and they take it to heart), and I can't walk around without feeling like a side show attraction. I used to be able to ignore it, but my mom--not knowing what she was doing--pushed my buttons beyond their limit years ago, and that effort crashed. It's more socially acceptable to have scars than "lumps", and at this point, I just want to know what it's like to be able to walk around without as much hate sent my way.
 
  • Like
Reactions: kodoku and igloo

kodoku

Nugu
Joined
24 February 2019
Messages
732
Reaction score
3,594
Points
4,144
Gender
Female
Shipped With
I wish I could make all my friends happy. It kills me to see they arent. I'd take all their misery for them I would take it all if I could

I just cant handle it I am so useless why cant I do more why..I'm a failure and a failure to my friends.i try my best but it's not enough I am just useless.

I will work my hardest and keep trying..even though I'm useless this useless person will not give up.

At least I hope I won't.
I don't think that would make you useless. Nobody can really save someone else, you can only inspire someone and give them some strength and courage to save themselves, give them the will to fight you know.. so try not to be too hard on yourself

I'm pretty open to talking about my issues, but I typically don't. However, it's gotten to a point that I don't think I can keep up moving through life where I'm simply existing anymore.

Summary:
I'm 23. My confidence is non-existent. I literally have zero friends and acquaintances (seriously. No lie.), I don't go out, my family--the only people I do have mainly because they can't get rid of me--doesn't care nor do they try, and I feel like I'm waiting for something that I know just won't happen, yet--for whatever reason--the hope is still there.

Following is more of a rant than anything else. I'm sorry for the monologue; it doesn't have to be read.

I was born with a skin condition called keloids. They're on my face, neck, and ear (and other areas, but these are the visible ones). They can be incredibly painful and are incurable. They make me look deformed, and in the world we live in, appearance is everything. Even people who are, in society's eyes, below average-looking are approached or looked at so long as they still look "normal." Since I don't look "normal", people literally stop and stare, give disgusted faces, keep their distance, try to flee the first chance they get (if they have to interact with me for some reason), etc., and I've experienced this since I was a baby.

I've been homeschooled most of my life (with side classes, like karate or art), but chose to go to college in order to try socializing again. By this point, my rambunctious and outgoing child-self had become incredibly quiet and shy. I literally just smiled and nodded 99% of the time and still do. I'm the type who is sensitive to other's needs, so since I know I make people uncomfortable, I make the job easy for them and don't try to interact, say hi, and I'm the one who flees first. I thought I had made some friends, a couple of girls who invited me to hang out with them quite a few times, but I happened to overhear them one day, saying something like they couldn't believe how much attention they get now that they hang out with such an ugly [insert b-word here]. I didn't have much trust in people to begin with (simply talking to me out of pity, but having no intention to get to know me, etc.), but this incident pretty much crushed every ounce of hope remaining that there are people who would look past my looks. I eventually left that college and transferred to another to study online (I'm graduating in a few weeks). To make things worse, on two different occasions, I video-chatted with two different internet friends, and they stopped talking to me right after.

My family are the type who think of themselves and are hypocrites. The things that I worry about, I'm ridiculed for, but when they worry about the same things, I'm ridiculed if I don't show sympathy (yes, my mom actually ridicules me if I don't show sympathy for my pretty sister when she's suffering from a tiny pimple on her cheek). This treatment extends to other people, too, where, in rare cases, I say something and am judged, but when other people say the same thing, they're flocked to or a discussion ensues.

So, not only my looks, but my feelings and thoughts are despised as well. I've tried to have friends on the internet, but of course, they have lives and eventually just leave with no interest in keeping in contact.

Now, I'm trying to have the keloids removed. One on my ear is done, and I'm having another surgery in a few weeks for my face, but I've been thinking lately: why in the world am I even bothering? People around my age aren't interested in making new friends; they want to focus on the relationships they have. I've also realized, back when I went to campus, that I've completely forgotten how to socialize. Literally. I can't start conversations, I become anxious because I don't know what's okay and not okay to talk about (I got scared after asking someone their favorite time of day and they burst into tears and never talked to me again), and my anxiety about being rejected or left stops me from putting more effort in.

However, depending on the topic, I can hold conversations, or even start new ones that branch off from the original topic. The other person just has to start the conversation first. I know. That isn't fair, but that's how it is, at least until I can learn how to talk again.

All I really want in life is someone I can call a friend--one that won't think I'm annoying or bothersome if I just want to say hi, and one I can contact at any point in time and expect more than one polite reply. I don't care if it's only on the internet or in real life (the latter not happening, I know). I won't ask for anything more. I really can't imagine having a long-term friend, but I'd like to try having one. I'm incredibly lonely, and all the built up pain is too much now. What am I hoping for by removing my keloids when internal and external forces are already at a point where there'll be little difference?

I'm sorry for the rant. I don't mean to waste anyone's time; I just needed a release. For anyone who did read it--whether or not you reply to it--thank you. You're very kind to take the time to read it. Even though I cry as I type all this, it is nice to have a temporary relief before my next episode.
Wow I feel like crying.. First of all, I am really sorry. In the name of the universe, I'm sorry to you..... that life has been unjust, that people have been cruel because I don't feel like you deserve that. It's honestly so unfair and even though I won't pretend to know what you've been going through, I somehow can relate to your words.. I want to be your friend if that's okay <3 and also, a precious lesson I've learned is that when everyone turns their back on you is when you should learn and choose to live for yourself. I know very well how painful loneliness is, believe me, but you still have yourself and you are worth fighitng for. There's a lot you can do on your own too, but I do believe that sooner or later, there will be someone who will treat you well (it took ages for me too but it happened in the end). Do what you believe is right, do what makes you better and happier. You can be happy, you're not alone <3
 

ripiasuju

Nugu
Joined
15 March 2019
Messages
902
Reaction score
3,510
Points
4,024
Location
~Streaming Jen~
Gender
Male
Shipped With
don't think that would make you useless. Nobody can really save someone else, you can only inspire someone and give them some strength and courage to save themselves, give them the will to fight you know.. so try not to be too hard on yourself
Yes that's what I mean. Help them to help themselves keep their fire burning.

It's really hell when I cant. I've always been able to 80% of the time. I understand you can't save someone or heal them easily but at least to help someone I can I just cant handle them being in the deep end i cant lift them up at all.

I feel useless and helpless but I'll try not be so hard on myself but ugh.
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)